I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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