i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
