The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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