I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
