You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
