there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
