if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This is the high leading the old right now
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
