i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
