Only a mothe r could love this liver
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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