I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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