"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
