Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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