the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
