Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I bet he comes in French.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
