Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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