just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
