I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
