Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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