Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
