I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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