shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
