I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
