it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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