So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
