There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
