I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
