he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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