My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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