Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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