we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
