So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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