you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i now understand why vodka
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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