I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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