An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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