Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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