Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize