its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
