After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
