For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
