Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize