we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
so much tequila, so little girl.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
