just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You smell like a Billy Joel song
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
