I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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