does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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