If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
