so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
