i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
