it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
