carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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