I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
