dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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