I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
