I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
