I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
