Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
