What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize