just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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