How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
