I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Even my vagina gasped.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
