I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize