The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
