My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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