come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
