in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
