she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When did angry sex become our thing?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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