I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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