I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
