she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How external is "for external use only"?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
