I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
