I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
