i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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