I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
